Tuesday, March 13, 2007,11:49 pm
ULTRASOUND !
havent blogged in AGES .
or even use the com for that matter .
quite a few things happened today ..
i guess .
woke up about 6 plus .
and realised it was fairly pointless to go for track .
mum said it was not practical .
andd . my blisters were screaming =x
left for nuh soon after .
errr .. oohhkay .
this is the part where i wonder if i should pen down the details . lol .
was kinda scaredd actuually .
the added aircon atmosphere obviously did NOTHING to help .
but . thanks to the support from .
mum . himhe . julia . zureen and the rest (: hahs .
when i went into the room .
the lady was like "take off your clothes and your bra"
then i was like . HUHH ??? O.O
she dimmed down the lights then it was betterr ba .
ohkay okay . not too much details .
basically . they said there was nothing obviously there . but i have to go back in sept for "monitoring"
phew . for a moment . i was really scaredd =x
i really dont want anymore jabs . anymore ..
basically . i seriously cant stand the sight of anything piercing the skin .
even if it isnt mine !!
i seriously cant CANT cant stand it ):
ooooooooooooohkay .
then . went back to schoool . hahas .
actually wanted to go and surprise HIMHE de .
but kh they all said he was playing bball .
so .. wanted to let him play .
cos .. i know its been awhile for him le .
but then .. those PAOTOH kia's shout .
then when i turned around .
YOU were there .
i didnt meann anything . seriously . dont think soo much .
i just thought . i dont want to tear youu away from yourr life .
those are the things that make youu happy .
nothing else . reaaally (:
hm . then went to meet fiqah . jiamin . aqilah they all at mac .
just eat eat eat awhile .
then they left for bandd le .
its surprising how much the morning spent without them feels like AGES .
hahas .
wanted to meet julia and shalini for lunch too .
but they couldnt )):
so . walked to bp with my daughterr and .. husband ?? hahaha .
kinda just waited as fiqah went hunting in the library .
lols . then we went back to schoool le .
was trying to get himhe to borrow a boook . but he dont want . eeeesh .
hm . in the endd . only left . mini . joseph . isa . zureen and me in the meeting .
i dont even want to TALK about it .
i almost cried i tell youu .
its depressing larrhhs . suthu seh !
stayed around until about 5 .
hahas . had to lendd zureen my pants .
felt so wierd can ! =x
but . herr needs were greater than mine ! lol .
hm . himhe actuually promised to vice versa the roles today .
but .. as usual . he didnt mean it .
i dont know . a part of me becomes pissed off .
a part of me is touched and grateful .
i meaan . i dont want it to be like that .
and yet i want to cherish what i DO have .
we spent quite awhile fussing overr that .
and then it started to rain .
ARGH . basically we fussed around quite a bit .
ended up under his block .
i reaally wanted him to be home early .
cos i think his mum was getting unhappy too .
and i KNOW he knows that .
ahh . its complicated .
he made me promise that i wouldnt run around in the HEAVY rain anymore .
it was a painful and reluctant promise i must admit .
but .. a promise nontheless (:
peii himhe until his house there .
then . when he went inside his house .
i waited awhile .
then i walked past .
thinking about it . i dont really know why i did that .
it was as if my legs took control .
*SLAP . my think twice about my self-control .
then . saw his mum looking out the doorr .
and i started running !
i was seriously so worried he would get scolded larrhhs .
i kept having flashes in my mind about how his family might react =x
just as i came out the bus .
it started to pourr .
SUPER HEAVILY .
and i was soak to bits .
i managed to break the promise just a few minutes after . mygosh. im sorry ):
this was unlike before .
where i only got partly drenched .
but this time . i was seriously . SERIOUSLY soaked .
i was so wet that the guard at the hillview heights made me wait at their guardhouse before they let me off . hahas . thanks to them (:
luckily . nobody was at home . and i managed to rush and take a bathe before they came back :D
hehe .
come to think of it .
do feel a little headache-ish now .
but i suure its nothing (:
its all in the mind ! hahas .
managed to have a chat with chunhow kor . yongjie and claudia laopo .
i dont know . usually .. i would be the one screaming and nagging at them .
but i was seriously lost for words .
the things i feared would happen in the past .
just as simple "what ifs"
seem to taking form as reality .
laopo . i wish i could help him .
i reaally wish i couldd .
but . i cant seem to findd the confident advice-giving yiwen anymore .
the one would not think twice .
i reaaally wish i could help . but i just cant seem to place my instincts on HOW anymore .
i've lost my .. mojo )):
in fact . i feeel i need a shoulderr to lean on now .
but i just dont know WHERE ?
everywhere i turn . the ones around me . the ones i care about. seem to be having problems greater than mine .
andd .. i guess i would rather be there for them more than for myself .
aahh . im typing gibberish ^^
what am i talking about . OF COURSE its there .
im just not psychologically strong .
must persevere ! mind over matter (:
no more conforming .
heartofGodchurch